|The Pinky Extend|
As my desire to experience commercial beer grows with my passion for homebrewing, so grows my aberrant behavior. I don't want to come off as a pretentious beer snob, but I do want to fully appreciate the beer I'm drinking, and in order to do that I need to pay attention and use techniques that fully utilize my senses. Sometimes this behavior can appear to be suspect and so a bit of discretion needs to be applied. Below, I have identified the type of negative tendencies which I do that can cause ordinary patrons to point and laugh. These tendencies can be eliminated or modified to reduce the amount of shameful beer based feelings in the future.
Things I will and won't do at the bar anymore while tasting beer.
- Don't fill out a paper score sheet ranking the beers on a scale for aroma, appearance, flavor
- Do quietly speak into a small hidden microphone clipped to the shirt collar and connected through a thin wire to a digital recorder concealed in a pocket
- Don't raise the glass towards the window to use the sun for checking the color and clarity
- Do bring a mini-mag flashlight to shine through the glass to capture the ruby highlights, additionally this can be hidden from the public in a cloak of darkness by pulling a jacket up over my head
- Don't smell too long, cupping hands over the glass while swirling the beer vigorously to create foam
- Don't breath in deeply with flair nostrils causing whistling sounds
- Don't exclaim righteous approval with exaggerated bodily gestures like high fives to the air
- Do express approval with subtle quivers, stifled belch, slow motion head nod, raised eyebrow (left or right but never both at the same time), smile on the inside, etc.
- Do feel free to take another taste to confirm the initial thought and then repeat
- Don't describe the subtleties that go unnoticed out loud to no one in particular
- Do use the previously mentioned hidden recorder to quietly describe subtleties, or just use the voice in your head, the one that has conversations with itself
- Don't put an arm around the nearest person and confide "You know what I mean don't you?"
- Do consider putting your arm around the nearest person, then don't
- Don't cross arms in adamant confidence and make proclamations to the wait staff, subtle and quiet at first then gaining volume with each insistent declaration
- Do express appreciation to bartender or wait staff, in the form of a tip
Is that what I really want?