- my bottled beer doesn't carbonate.
- fermenter gets to warm.
- mash is too hot or not hot enough.
- hot liquor tank starts massive leak just as I begin to sparge.
- hairy fungus grows inside my refractometer, ruining it.
In my mine, I filled in every minute detail of the fear.
I open a bottle of beer after anxiously waiting the prescribed two weeks for carbonation to develop. There is no sound of pressure relief as the cap is slowly pryed off. I tilt the bottle and a warm gelatinous goo dribbles out and fills a glass with an army green pile of thread sized worms. etc, etc,. I continued this detailing for each fearful item. And the seriousness of the fear increases as I delve deeper into my brewing related psyche. I continued on with:
- beer is contaminated and kills my family and friends.
- broken carboy slashes wrists and jugular and then ruins carpet.
- propane tanks explode in transit, vaporizing my car with me in it.
- corny keg splits during forced carbonation and beer foam dislodges my left eye.
and the most horrifying thought:
- neighbor kids break into garage and drink all the beer in the kegerator.
Finally, believe it or not, as this final nightmare scenerio unfolded in my mind I felt the darkness envelope me in a warm blanket of stillness and I fell fast asleep. Cathartic? Maybe, but did I cover enough beer fear?
What are your worst beer fears? Comment below.